October 23, 2009 - You Are Worth It

In this life we all want to feel worth it to someone. I know a lot of my worth has came from football. Most have my friends have came from football,and it gets to a point to where I feel that without football I lose some of my worth. I understand how child stars are loved so much, and then when they leave the spotlight they have nothing else that gives them that same worthy feeling. In the back of my mind sports is where I felt my worth the most. It is where I began to really feel accepted. Sports came real easy to me when I was younger. I had instant success personally, and I loved the fact that I could go out and compete. I know that when I got to high school and really starting doing good on the big stage, more and more people starting coming around. My worth was at a high point, and I just knew that as long as I kept playing good I was worth it. I remember one time my basketball coach asked me what I played for, and I told him for the crowd. I loved to play good and entertain them (That was one of the reasons that I loved basketball so much becuase I was so close to the fans, and I could interact with them during the games). He looked at me and said what if nobody was in the gym watching you play, how good would you be? I really didn't know, cause I feed off the crowd so much, it doesn't matter if they are cheering or booing. He told me that I need to find another reason to play. To me if nobody was in the stands it wasn't really worth playing, I could practice by myself and do just fine, but when it was game time, I was ready to show the world what I could do. I really needed people to feed my ego or tell me I couldn't do something to motivate my slef to play better. My first year in college I didn't redshirt,but I also went the whole season without a catch and I just wanted to quit the whole time. I didn't play a lot and when I warmed up I just felt useless cause I knew that when the game started I would be standing on the sidelines. My parents kept telling me to hang in there, but to me I had lost my worth. I needed to get that back, so I worked hard, and kept working. I made my way to the starting lineup a couple of games into the next season when the starter got hurt and I never looked back. That worth that I so desperately needed; I was getting. People started to know who I was, and now when I went into someone else stadium I would look around and say to my self that everyone in here will know who I am when this game is over. If I didn't get the ball in order to show everyone what I can do, I would be pissed off because I was the show. I was the main event, and people needed to see me. This is really hard to look back at my life and write to the world my faults, but I also know that maybe someone will learn from this and know that they are worth it already. Before they step onto the playing field or if they don't step onto one. Now my life is a struggle to fight against that feeling that says your not worth it. Sports has helped my worth, but it isn't my worth. I don't want to see kids feel that they are only worth something when they are good at something. If you have felt like this it is ok,but it is time to realize that you are WORTH IT. I am no hero, I don't even know how to be a great role model, but I do try hard everyday to make everyone I meet feel like they are someone. All my fans have given me more worth,but at the same time they have given me more responsibility to do the right thing. I am really glad to be a pro athlete, and I am really glad that football has provided so much for me. I would have never met my fiance if I didn't play football. Its a great feeling to go out in front of so many fans and do what I do, but now I play for God who gave me the ability to play. I accept the fact that you are reading this because I am a football player that you like or hate. I accept the fact that I am who I am because of football, but after my last play that I ever play. I will still be WORTH IT because of all the great times I had, and all the great people I met along the way.

My Thoughts, Your Time,

Thanks For Reading.

Nik L.